Oh, Dem Craaazy Football Guys!

I am writing this in the middle of the events discussed, not so much because I feel more strongly about this incident than many others of the same general type, but because I had an idea I wanted to express. I suspect that with the passage of time, if anyone were to read this essay, they would have to furiously Google to figure out which incident I’m talking about.  As a somewhat unfortunate result of the timeliness of what I have to say, some of my broader factual claims won’t have undergone the due diligence they deserve. Some may prove to be untrue (And, given the erotophobic penchant for making up facts, we may never come to a reliable conclusion about their validity). Nevertheless, I decided to throw them out as hypotheses because they are hypotheses worth entertaining. Note, I said factual claims not value claims. The values I express I am convinced are valid because they rest on sound argument not tethered to the eventual “verification” of one set of facts or another.

The incident I am referring to is a case of a little shower stickball between some poor benighted athletic coach and what appear to have been a bevy of luscious water boys. I’ll admit when the news first came up on the internet my thought was, “I hope she was cute at least.” Then when I learned the incident involved homosexuality I assumed the perpetrator was just another dreary priest.

The sad fact that the most widespread, or rather most visible practitioners of kourophilia have been popish priests has caused the secular left to lose its moral compass. Instead of calmly considering the possibility that, unless coercion or deception were involved, no actual wrong may have been done, hatred of the Church of Rome led secularists astray and induced them to join forces with the Moral Majority lunatics (How many times can I repeat that Richard Dawkins is the honorable exception; the worthiness of his cautions against the pedophilic witch hunt cannot be overestimated). I shall resist that temptation and, whatever my distaste for Big Time Sports and its culture of violent piety, I will not suddenly say I disapprove of adolescent butt fucking simply because I don’t particularly care for the guy accused.

Nevertheless let me succumb for a moment and preface my idea with one short note about the jockocracy. I had always more or less assumed that football was a buzzing hive of homosexual feelings if not actual fulfillment. After all, how can you spend most of your waking hours sticking your hands between Butch's legs and not wonder why at certain times he's more alert than at others?  Also the similarity to behavior in the religionist community is not entirely surprising. Sports teams function quite openly as the spear tip (I suppose if I were fortunate enough to have an editor centuries from now he would footnote this as a “ribald allusion.”) of assorted  Xtian churches militant, marching out ’neath their banners of glory against the heathen who is more often than not just another church militant. It seems to me speculatively more than a little likely that one source of jockish homosexuality is group fixation on the Great Leader, a phenomenon which Freud (Band XIII pp. 73-161 Massenpsychologie und Ich-Analyse) has plausibly argued is sexual in nature. The coach for many goddists is the incarnation of Da Big Fella Hisself, just in mufti - without the beard. Blowing this Man-God could very well be many a third stringer’s dream.  And I have no doubt that when Xtians see their QB sacked, they want to lower his naked and bruised body slowly down from the cross and just hug him all over. Whatever. These observations have been made before.

Here is my idea. The thought that serves as its premise is one of those unvalidated presumptions I just mentioned, namely that homosexual pedophilia seems to cause a higher level of outrage than standard heterosexual pedophilia. You can see why this may not be validated. Levels of outrage are difficult to quantify. It is no more than an impression on my part that the activities of this coach, named Jerry Sandusky,  are being treated with far greater severity than those of Polanski (What exactly do they put in those Pierogis?). It is certainly the case that Polanski did not merit 24 hour coverage. But immediately qualifications suggest themselves. As of this writing we have just learned of coach’s activities whereas Polanski was old news by the time his extradition was requested. And when Polanski was originally charged the anti-pedophile movement was still in its infancy. On the other hand, it is hard to imagine some foreign country refusing to extradite coach (Hugo Chavez? Ludwig II of Bavaria?). Indeed homosexual male teachers never get this kind of response (My vote goes for Pamela Turner. We love you Pam! BTW if you're interested in modeling, just shoot me an e-mail, OK?) Nor has a homosexual incident had the sort of happy conclusion experienced by Debra La Fave who married her “victim” after her release from concentration camp. Indeed heterosexual pedophilia with an older male hardly gets a passing nod. And sheer numbers (heterosexuals vs. homosexuals) would lead one to believe that it is much more widespread. The reason may in fact be that the heterosexual man/girl variety is so common. Also sex between males and younger females has long been a recognized if not necessarily approved phenomenon. Moreover the “victims” don’t always consider it such a big deal. The conclusion we can draw from much outraged reporting is that 13 year old girls are perfectly happy to blow some old guy as long as they get paid. And, despite the fondest expectations of the erotophobes, the female partners are not rushing to fill our loony bins once they discover the true “horror” of what they’ve done. Samantha Geimer and the admirable Melanie Griffith are living lives I presume no more stressed out than the rest of us for whom lack of money is the ultimate trauma. Amy Fisher who, we will remember, was the actual instigator of the passionate affair with her Parfit Knight, today seems largely well adjusted – a little weird maybe but not a psychopath. I assume the hidden part of the iceberg is out there breeding and eating chocolate with the best of them.  On the other hand, who knows what the future will bring? Simply reading this essay might cause some erotophobic cell to begin planning a Days of Rage celebration with legions of hopped up goobers calling for immediate execution once the next heterosexual incident comes to the fore (I think this is what you call cognitive indeterminacy). I suppose the foundation for my premise rests on the following suspicions which I think have a very good chance of being factual. First the incidence of pedophilia between males and younger females is much higher than the number of unlucky participants who happen get caught would lead us to believe. Secondly, we do not see a chronic psychological trauma among the waves of soccer moms who once took it up the butt for Cracker Jacks (Notice most accusers we seem to hear of had the sex when they were adults and the gist of their accusation is that the sex was non consensual).

Let us for the sake of argument assume my premise is true. That leads to the core of my idea. It is not the pedophilia by itself that causes the hysteria, nor is it the homosexuality by itself. Nor even, in a way that should be clear, is it the combination of homosexuality and pedophilia. What causes the problems in these cases is that the “victims” were not homosexual (“I thought we was just showerin’ togedder, you know, like the guys do, just kiddin’ aroun’. Then he points to his huge erection and says, ‘You like sausage boy? Do you like Polish sausage? You better give 110%!’ And then he, OH MY GOD!!!!”). Thus the source of their trauma and potentially the cause of the anguish of their reactions such as you don’t really see in young girls (But remember cognitive indeterminacy; I’ll bet some goober minister is coaching little Betty right now on how to say her life was ruined) is that the “victim” never really had a feeling for, indeed experienced distaste at the sort of homosexual activity to which he was subjected. (The exceptionally well balanced and even tempered Dawkins, who appears not to have let it get under his skin, is the exception that proves etc.) (How traumatized would a heterosexual teen be if it was Carmen Electra who assaulted him in the shower? Speaking personally I would think I had entered the Promised Land. Faute de mieux, even Meryl Streep would have been acceptable.) And, whatever, may have been his initial level of indifference to homosexual dallying,  just imagine the “victim’s” mounting horror when he learns from society what a vile and disgusting thing he really did. It’s enough to turn him into a Raskolnikov or at least a J. Edgar Hoover.

So that’s it. The celebrated cases are those involving pedophilia, homosexuality and a “victim” who is not homosexual.  Presumably if the child were homosexual like the adult, then the situation would join the gazillions of unreported cases of subteen fisters. In fact one wonders how many homosexual/homosexual affairs do go unreported (“I don’t know, honey, but if you say coach makes you happy….”). One feels a smattering of sympathy for Paterno who perhaps was not just caught up in a Euthyphroan dilemma. Like some of those bishops he very possibly was not entirely convinced that any wrongdoing had occurred. I realize there is some treacherous ground here. I am one among the untold numbers of men who, despite a certain amount of evidence to the effect that we are all bisexual, have convinced myself that I am 100% heterosexual (I believe the operative phrase is “all man.” And, no, this is not just the ritual disclaimer of the heterosexual defender of homosexuality. ). In fact men don’t just not attract me, I am actively bored in their presence (To my shame I have a similar reaction in the company of unattractive women). The strongest homosexual feeling I have ever had was and is a lingering desire to be a lesbian. The danger is I may be reading my own reaction to being a “victim” into the psyches of the actual participants, thus committing the sort of sympathetic fallacy currently so indecorously displayed in the jock community.


 If my idea has a merit, then a solution of sorts suggests itself. In cases where one other assumption is valid the outlines of the solution already appear. The other assumption regards those instigators  who are not actual pedophiles but just homosexuals and who, perhaps due to personal circumstances – social context such as sports or certain types of blue collar trades or their own personality drawbacks – cannot practice homosexuality openly with their peers. One reaction to this may be that, forced into secrecy, they practice homosexuality with those they are best in a position to influence, persuade and swear to secrecy. This is the purest speculation but, if it has any validity whatsoever, the beginning of a solution would be to encourage acceptance of homosexuality in those communities that currently punish or forbid its exhibition – religious communities as well as the aforementioned big time sports and blue collar trades. We currently see openings of this sort in the armed services.

A solution that stops at this point, however, doesn’t do much for the homosexual who is also pedophilic. The problem in this case is one of not forcing a potential partner who is not homosexual into a homosexual relationship. My suggestion is to legalize prostitution, not just the prevalent kind but also teen prostitution, both heterosexual and, as I understand is currently practiced under the table in India, homosexual. Teen hookers of course would need the full and unwavering permission of their parents or some other authority figure or else, if old enough, be emancipated. Homosexual teen hookers should themselves be homosexual, bisexual or indifferent to the whole matter. It would be desirable for them to receive some sort of instruction not only in safe sexual practice but also sexual “civics” and psychological well being. The danger in instituting the latter, of course, would be that goddists would seize upon it as an excellent opportunity to indoctrinate the youngsters in the vileness and wretchedness of all sex thus creating the very psychopathic monsters whose advent it is our purpose to prevent.

Postscript I notice another one of our football heroes has recently been arrested for selling cocaine. It goes without saying that much of what I say about pedophilia applies mutatis mutandis to drugs as well. Taking drugs is not a crime; selling drugs is not a crime, unless Fourier is right and selling pumpkins for profit is a crime as well. The only difference I can see is that anyone fortunate enough to be literate has already seen the wisdom of this position with regard to drugs. But enough about today's headlines. The last thing in the world I want to do is "blog." It gets in the way of thinking.